Funny Picture

**************Udurawana - Call
Udurawana went to Colombo for official matter and called to his house over the phone.
Servant had taken the receiver.
Udurawana: Who is speaking?
Servant : Servant Sir.
Udurawana: Where is the Madam?
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Udurawana: What? I am her husband & I came to Colombo today.
Servant: What can I do now sir?
Udurawana: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?
Udurawana: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Udurawana: What...? No swimming pool?
Servant: Yes Sir
Udurawana: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
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Lashes
A Sardarji, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in SaudiArabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment.
The Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has ask me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
1. The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."This was done, but the pillow only; lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding & crying with pain.
2. The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
3. The Sardarji was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!""Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied."In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.""Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face."If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. "And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.Sardarji smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The Interview
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER: THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....?
OFFICER : MP !!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURE
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Kidnapping by Santa Singh
Santa Singh who was down on his luck.In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." Santa then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground". Signed: "A Sardarji". Santa then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning Santa checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. The boy was sitting next to the bag. Santa opened up the bag and found the Rs.2 ,00,000 in cash with a note saying: "How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please leave my son." Signed: Another Sardarji (Banta)
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Simply Witty
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
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The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
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What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?The ones in the casinos are serious.
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."
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The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
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Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
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Keep laughing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!